Look Mom, no hands!

I'm gonna try blogging again! WOOHOO! 

Wow, reading over my first post, a lot has changed. So much has changed. 

My Hell came to earth on January 6, 2009 and took my Dante away. Dante passed away peacefully at 8:33am. Explain to me how a year has flown by? Where the hell did a year go? In the time since Dante earned his wings, my Husband and I went to the Bahamas to “get away from it all”, redecorated a room, and had a baby. Trust me, there is no getting away, it just follows you like a cloud. 

On August 12, 2009 at 2:46am, we welcomed a baby girl into our family, screaming, and she hasn't stopped in 5.5 months! She was given to us by Dante. He was the first to tell me about her. I was 5 days past conception. Yep, you do the math. He told me “Mommy tummy, baby in it!” Well sure enough he was right. Looking back to late 06 early 07, Dante was such a good baby, laid back, barely complained, easy going. Well, it was a tease. Our baby girl is fussy, bratty, has a major attitude, frustrating, cranky, needs to be tended to all the time. I could go on and on and on. She's a tough one. Unlike any of my older children. She is, however, my blessing and my joy. I am so blessed to have her, I'm the luckiest mom in the world. She seems healthy and strong, she has the most beautiful light sapphire eyes, and reddish hair. My little red-headed Italian! She doesn't like her father, loves her sister, and doesn't give Mommy a break EVER! My Mom likes to tell me that she me, all over again. Apparently, I wasn't the easiest baby. My baby girl, is just different then I'm used to I guess. I have gone out of this house without her twice in 5.5 months, and it was to literally run to the store. She screams bloody murder if I leave her. Lovely. 

Let's see what else? I'm still married. Happily with a twist. Most relationships can't get through a child's cancer diagnoses and treatment, let alone watching that child die. Dante made sure to keep his father and I together. He smiled everyday. When I have a rough day, I try so hard to remember that. I fell in love with Tony in High School, of course he didn't know that until 10 years after we graduated. There was something about him that pulled me in. I remember the time like it was yesterday. Tony was second in our class, and I, well, I wasn't even close. School to me was just a hassle. To Tony school was something that had to be done, so he did it and did it well. I didn't have the best reputation in High School, I was the run of the mill baddass. Hated school and everyone in it, I hated classes worse. I was a party girl, couldn't be bothered. School to me was a social event. So when you talk about circles, Tony and my circles couldn't be further apart. Until our Senior Class trip. I fell head over heels for the smart kid with the best eyes, the calm kid with the heart of gold, the kid that was unlike anything I had ever encountered. I let him go without telling him. 10 years later I got my chance, with tears in my eyes standing in front of him down the shore, I told him flat out that I held a flame for him all those years. 5 years later and we are still together. 

Tony and I have a weird relationship, but it works, somehow in some twisted universe. I call Tony my glorified roommate. We live together, share the same things, sleep in the same bed, do things that married people do, but most of the time we are on two separate planets. We both work, he leaves the house at 6 am, works with High School kids all day, then tutors after school, doesn't come home until 6:30pm. I work all day in my home, taking care of our baby. When Tony comes home, it's make dinner, get clothes together, go to the bathroom, sit in front of the laptop until bedtime. The ONLY time he gets his nose out of the computer is when the baby needs her butt changed, or I ask for something when I'm nursing the baby. That's it. Lucky he's got me huh? 

The baby won't stay with him for more then 10 minutes, if she does it's because he is actually paying attention to her, not just holding her and playing on the computer. He gets so frustrated with her. It breaks my heart, he doesn't even try anymore. She will stay with him if he's walking around, because she's nosy and loves to be held. But, no one wants to walk around the house for a long period of time. 

Daddy's only job is to change diapers when he's home. That's his doing not mine. Yes, I breastfed, and no she won't take a bottle, but I bathe her, feed her her lunch (solids) and dinner, put her to bed for nighttime and naptime, play with her ALL day, give her all my attention, and a million other things, is it wrong of me to ask for a break? It must be, because I never get one. If I am on my computer, I'm doing something, I'm working with a client, making something for someone, not playing a game, not reading about games, working. Most times, I'm on my computer for a minute before the baby starts acting up, then I hear “What is your problem now?” or “Oh stop it, you're fine” meanwhile her wails get louder and louder, I have no choice but to stop what I'm doing and go back to her. Mostly, it's because I don't want my husband getting frustrated with her. She doesn't understand why Daddy is mad, or stressed or upset, she just knows he's tense, and she doesn't like it. 

See what I mean about happily married with a twist? Sheesh! I know that having a baby isn't easy, especially after what we've been through, but there needs to be some sort of help. Mainly, my live-in-husband. Ya know? The baby's father. 

Ok, Bitch session over, the baby woke up from her infamous 30 minute nap! 

I'll be back, you've been warned!

J